13goingon18 ♥

Tuesday, November 10, 2009 { 11:21 PM }

I miss you, I miss it, I miss us.

I miss you, it's all I have to say. You're missing, I thought it'd be better that way, but it kills me and I can't fight it anymore. I need you. I need to tell you what I feel. To hear you and remember what is real when we said nothing but it said so much when we ran away to get in touch I feel you here but so lost inside me. I need you now or I'll fall apart completely. I miss myself, that piece you still hold. This space is hollow leaves me so cold I can't forget you. I never will. The way you changed me, because I miss you still..

I miss the way my heart skips a beat when i hear your voice. I miss the way my world lit up when you entered the room. I miss the way your hand always found mine. I miss how our bodies fit together like they were meant for each other. I miss the way my head fit your shoulder just perfect. I miss the long phone calls that lasted late into the night.

I miss it all; the way your hair hung in your eyes. The way you always found that right spot. The way you'd make me feel so special I'd cry. The way you you'd say my name. The way you said i love you. I miss you and everything you do.. ♥

{ 12:30 AM }

Give me a reason to stay, only if you want me. Don't let me think I'm wasting my time, unless I really am. Am I something worth fighting for? Someone worth holding on to? If you thought about us, the two of us together, what comes to mind? Do you want me? Put up a fight, be selfish, don't let me go so easily. Be honest with yourself first and then be honest with me. There's only so long I can love someone I know cannot or will not ever love me. But if you want me to stay, give me a reason and I'll stay, but only if you want me to stay. If you don't, let me go or let me know so i can cut you loose. Maybe one day I'll understand this need I have, but until then I'll keep on hoping for you.

Monday, November 09, 2009 { 4:04 PM }

I now understand why you're not ready and you don't want a relationship just yet. The distance between us sucks. I'm missing you so damn much right now and we're not even together. I'd probably go even more insane if we were; I'd miss your hugs, your kisses, your voices and the whole of you. But then again if we were together, I'd feel a whole lot safer and more relieved because I'll know that I've got you, no matter what. ♥

{ 1:31 AM }

Temptation is something i have difficulty resisting. You have no idea how much I'd give to see your face, to hear your voice or to just hug you really tightly as if there were no tomorrow and not let you go for a long long time. I curse the distance separating us. I miss you so so much. It's been a long long time since I've seen you, heard your voice or hugged you. It's driving me insane. I need you and I want you so badly.

Sunday, November 08, 2009 { 6:35 PM }

I know you've heard these words a hundred other times before. And you've been hurt so your heart has chose to close the door. Love broke your heart and brought you lies. Look in my eyes. you'll see a love thats deep and true. Tender and strong and all for you. You can trust this love. Honest thats the honest truth. From my heart I'm giving you everything. From my heart I promise you that I'll be there. From the soul I'm showing all i feel. I will protect you and respect you and be all you need. And when you reach for love, you only need to reach for me. These arms will never let you down. They're styaing around. I'll help you through every storm, I'll keep you safe and keep you warm. I'll provide the love you need. Just trust my touch. Believe in me. giving all I've got with all I've got is from the heart. ♥

{ 5:09 PM }

My heart waits for you to come back to me. But I fear hurt and abandonment. Hope, you had me for a long time, but now you're beginning to loose me. What we have, seems to be fading away like how the waves wash away the writings on the sand. It seems to be disappearing really quickly. I don't want to hurt anymore; I want to give up all hope of you coming back to me.

But a friend said, "even though miles lay between the two of you, you guys are never far apart, for love doesn't count the miles in between, but measured by the heart. Have faith for you may never know what is going to happen." Thanks friend. ♥

So with that, I'm going to continue putting faith and hope into you. Hoping you'll come back to be and having faith in whatever you decide. I'm going to wait for you to come back to me.

Friday, November 06, 2009 { 3:27 PM }

ni jui shi wo de wei yi.

I'm actually quite glad, you told me the truth about how you feel, what you want and what you don't want. and truth be told, it's made me feel less messed, upset or angry with/about you. But i do feel disturbed that because of the long distance we can't be together, but like you said it'll probably lead to misunderstanding and arguments and we'll end up hating each other. how i wish you were back here with me. i long for those bittersweet memories we had. come back soon, because i miss you and i want you still; it's been 3 years and counting. we're more then friends, less then lovers.. let's just let fate decide? ♥

Wednesday, November 04, 2009 { 12:02 AM }

you make me confused! :(

"I've always had the feelings for you. it keeps coming back." what do you want me to do with that? please don't be playing games with me, because you've been doing so much over the years and it hurts every single time ):

i like you, you don't like me.
i don't like you, you like me.

it's been going on for years.. and nothing's happened.

Sunday, November 01, 2009 { 1:07 AM }

me and titi shaved how chin's head BOTAK LICIN! :) teeehehhee.

Friday, October 23, 2009 { 4:00 PM }

so, as far as i know, everything went as planned! teeheheh. but, it was hard getting everything together for them to meet. had to text solvanna to make sure she was in the restaurant. had to text billy to come to the restaurant. then had to answer a call and lied saying that i was inside already. stress my life for them, and they're still so mean to me. billy said i was steady but called me a babi. vanna called me a bitch and an asshole! sigh~ why like thiss?

{ 4:23 AM }

teeheheh. today's gonna be a good day! although I'm gonna get so much scolding from Solvanna and Billy later , it's all worth it.

you see, because Solvanna is coming up from Miri as a surprise for Billy, and to see me. She thinks that i'm having lunch with her and billy and a bunch of other people later. Billy thinks I'm having lunch with him (because he doesn't know Solvanna is coming up). but the thing is, no one else is gonna show up. so it's just gonna be the two of them.

andd the smart thing is, i booked a table for 4 (to make it look, less suspicious, because both of them think a few of us are joining) under my name at 1. andd i told both of them that, soo it's easier! :D

HOPEFULLY, they don't bump into each other while walking around later, because Billy said he's gonna be hanging around there at like 11, due to transport issues, and Solvanna's gonna get dropped of like at 12.. hahaha. never thought that one throughh, but howells :)

let's hope they have a wonderful time later, and thank me instead of scolding mee (A) hehe. I LOVE YOU BOTH! don't murder me ♥

Thursday, October 15, 2009 { 11:14 PM }

anger, sadness, confusion and stress seems to be taking over me these couple of days, and i must say i fucking hate feeling this way. i have absolutely no idea why i feel soo... UGHH!

i'm angerrrreeeeeyyy! ):

Wednesday, October 14, 2009 { 5:17 PM }

weeeeee~ i'm feeeling extra great today. parent teacher evening last night went well! i'm so glad. loving all the teachers now. they complimented me so much! i'm a delight to have in maths, I'm an industrious accountant, I'm capable for getting a b for malay, I'm a commited and hard worker for english :)

parent teacher day in sgs was always the worst. i would always get into deeep deeep shit because of teachers would say and some of them aren't even true. i have to admit that i'm the talkative loud hyper and easily distracted one of the class, but at least i finish up all my work and hand them up on time during lessons and i pay attention most of the time. but ohwells. glad i'm not there anymore.

i've never seen my mum more pleased with my grades and with a smile on her face after meeting all my teachers. which is all good!

i kinda think that i am actually doing better in jis, my grades are up! i apply myself more and it makes me feel more confident. hehehe. it feel's good! AND i'm loving the fact that we do real sports for PE; volleyball this month! weeeee~

i'm feeling hyper and happy already. wonder how much more i'll get after the gym later. spinning, here i come! teeehehehehe.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009 { 10:14 PM }

i have so much to tell you, i have to much to bitch to you about, i have so much to cry to you about, i need your to help me decide. ever since October started, you hardly reply me, you get calls so much i can't call you and you seem so caught up in your own problems that i don't want to bother you about mine because i don't want to put more stress on you. i feel self-fish if i do that. butt i miss having you around! every time we talk, i want to tell you about all my problems but listening to yours makes me feel bad if i dump more shit on you ):

{ 3:54 PM }

ewww. i just realized i've got people "watching me". how creeepy.

i'm extremely bored and there is absolutely nothing to do. ughh so gay i have to go shower and get ready to go back to school because of parent teacher meeting. i feeel scared :S i know i shouldn't cuz i've done nothing really wrong, but like i feel scared :S i have never liked parent teacher meetings! sigh~

OMG! I'M BORED! :(